Once relaxed, twice natural

I don’t remember the first time I had a relaxer in my hair, but I certainly remember that my last relaxer was September 2013. I was supposed to have my next “mandatory” relaxer October 2013, but I didn’t. I say “mandatory” because it seemed like a requirement. Every month I went to a hair salon, sat in a chair, cursed every bad word in my head while cringing from the burning sensation of the relaxer in my hair and whipped my silky long hair side to side, as I walked out of the hair salon.  

Before I had a relaxer as a child, the other kids at school would tease me about my hair. My hair was obviously different from most of the other kids. I wished I had long silky hair like the other kids. My mum started relaxing my hair sometime in elementary school - circa fourth or fifth grade. Relaxed hair was easier and less time consuming for her to care for as opposed to natural. The teasing and fascination of wanting to touch my hair simmered down and I never looked back. 

By the time middle and high school came along, my hair length was at my bra strap. As a result, this brought on new fascination and questions from the kids at school. Naturally, my classmates wanted to touch.my.hair. During this time I heard an endless number of comments like: ‘There is no way a black girl has all that hair and it’s all real.’ ‘Is that your hair or are you wearing a wig?’ ‘Can I feel your hair for tracks?’ The list goes on and on. I’ll spare you from the long list.

With all the questions about my hair, I felt like my hair became my identity. *Insert India Irie’s ‘I am not my hair’ lyrics* People noticed my hair before they noticed me. As I entered the world of high school, I started putting a lot of focus on my hair. At the age of 16, I got the very then-popular side bang haircut. My bangs were always perfectly swooped to the side. My edges were always laid. My hair was under a lot of control.  

By the time I was in college, I mastered the use of a flat iron. I styled my hair from bone straight to bouncy curls. Eventually my hair got tired of it and began breaking off at the ends. As a result, I had to cut my hair. My length went from my bra strap to kissing my shoulders. This helped to get rid of all the split ends and start fresh. Even though I was attached to my long hair, it was pretty freeing. The cut was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. 

As years went by I often wondered about the dangers of putting relaxer in my hair. I knew relaxer was a harsh chemical, but was not educated on the health hazards, nor did I care to read up on it. It was not until I watched Chris Rock’s documentary, ‘Good Hair’ (2009) when I was exposed to some of the harsh truths about relaxers. (I recommend watching the movie and doing your own research). This sparked interest in me contemplating this whole “mandatory” relaxer thing. But I didn’t know what life post-relaxer looked like or if it were achievable, so I continued to get relaxers.

 Now fast forward to October 2013 when I started the transition process. Transitioning (meaning no longer relaxing my hair and letting it grow out) seemed like an achievable option in order to avoid relaxing my hair. It was not easy at all. I dreaded washing my hair because it always became a huge tangled mess. My mum eventually had to start helping me untangle my hair. This experience took me back to my childhood when she was the only one taking care of my hair. This gave me a new appreciation for all the years she cared for my hair.

During this transition, I wore my hair straight (pressed) while I was growing out my hair and trimming off the straight ends. Once all the straight ends were trimmed off, I tried wearing my hair natural once every few months. I only used hair conditioner as my styling product because there was an overwhelming amount of information and products that bloggers were using and I didn't know where to begin. I eventually dove into the rabbit hole of endless natural hair styling products that didn’t work. I decided to stick with wearing my hair straight until further notice.

In May 2017, I finally went to a hair salon that specializes in natural/curly hair. I was introduced to the right products that actually worked well with my hair and learned how to style and care for my hair.

Unfortunately, after a few months of wearing my hair natural I went back to straightening my hair because it became too time consuming and very tiring. Two other major reasons was because I started using a very popular hair gel that started giving me massive headaches and began to shred my curls. I was devastated. I thought going natural meant no more harsh chemicals. I missed wearing my hair curly. I wondered what I was going to do with my bra strap length damaged hair.

During the next six months of thinking about the next phase of my hair, I became very fond of the big chop. I created a photo album on my phone with screenshots of big chop styles that I liked. This helped me picture how I would want my hair to look, if I ever followed through with the big chop. I thought it would be a nice change and also help my hair start fresh, again. In the days leading up to the big chop, I didn’t tell a soul. I already knew people would tell me not to do it or try to talk me out of it (particularly my mum). I knew it was a drastic change, but it’s just hair and it would grow back. I went to the salon March 7, 2018.

The vibration of the hair clippers running through my hair and onto my scalp was something I never thought I would experience. The humming of the clippers is what started to make me nervous. It was loud like a mini lawn mower changing the landscape of the old me. I started freaking out internally and came to the reality of what I was doing. There was no going back. My head started to feel lighter and lighter as sections of hair began to fall to the ground. The long hair I was holding onto was now gone. I looked in the mirror and saw only my face.

Now when people ask a bountiful amount of questions about my hair, I am more than happy to answer their questions. I give as much advice I can offer now that I have short hair because often times, those who I run into who want to do the big chop or transition do not know where to start or fear the unknown like I did. 

Now that my hair is natural, I do it for myself. Whether I want to wear it curly, straightened, curled, braided, etc. I’ll choose what I want to see in the mirror. The shift of more women going natural did make it easier but I never would have thought of a life without relaxed hair. Relaxers were too much dedication for taking something away that I was born with. Something I should have been embracing a long time ago. I’m not saying that everyone should go natural because everyone knows what works best for themselves.