Single, Solo, Party of Uno

If you’re like me then you’ve been single most of your life. Oh is it just me? Okay cool. At least that’s how it feels anyway. Contrary to popular belief (or just the concerned people around me) I have not been in many relationships. People have always assumed that I am always either in a relationship, dating or that I must talk to a lot of potential prospects. 

As a hopeless romantic, I always drew ideal love from music, movies, books and TV shows. I quickly turned to writing about love, too. What can I say, I love love. But I was a late bloomer and felt doomed. Doomed that I would never get to experience what I was (and still am) obsessed with. My long awaited yearning for something wouldn’t happen until I was in University. No need to get into grave detail because, well there are not many details. Please don’t cry for me, thanks!

Year after year I began to notice a pattern. The pattern was beautifully woven with 50 shades of blue. The deep blues represented how deep a person’s concern was with my lack of a love life. The questions about my relationship status came from the highest mountain tops, and the bottom of the ocean, from worried family members and curious friends and coworkers. Not only was my love life important to me, it began to feel much more important to everyone else. 

While there were genuine questions that came from a genuine place, there were also, dare I say it accusations.

The classic accusations I’ve received (past and present) when I would break the earth shattering news to inquiring minds about my single status are: 

• LESBIAN

• CRAZY
  

I've come to the conclusion that people like to jump to conclusions. Honestly, I never understood the connection from first assuming that I have multiple male prospects and then jumping to, wait for it...conclusions that I must be a "crazy lesbian." I also don’t understand the connection of someone questioning my sexuality or mental health because of my singleness. Why does the conversation get so deep and take such a turn?

I’m still waiting for my trial to be burned at the stake for my two false accusations. That is how this works, right?

All of this all because I’m single, solo, party of uno.

As much as I love love, it used to be very annoying and frustrating when people would ask me about my love life and then the look of disappointment that took over their face when my answer was not what they wanted to hear. The more they asked the more I rolled my eyes. My eyes rolled so much that they should have had the strength to move the questioning person in front of me and to the side so I could be on my way. I get it. We all just want to love and be loved. But can we also accept the fact that I can love myself. I can be by myself and be happy. *Cliche alert* I have to love myself before I can love anyone else. I mean that. If I were to become dependent on the approval of someone else's love and then we went our separate ways, I would have nothing. Self-love is so important to me. It wasn't easy, but it definitely took me a long time to be happily single.

I’ll admit, in the past when I would see couples it made me feel sad. It did make me feel hopeless and want to just be in a relationship so that I could be happy. But here’s the thing, I kept thinking that in order to be happy I needed to be in a relationship. With all this time to myself I’ve come to the realization that I cannot depend on someone else for my happiness. I have to be happy with myself in order to be happy with a complete other human. If I’m telling myself that the only way to be happy is to be with someone else, then what kind of message am I sending to myself? Not a good one. 

I used to be so embarrassed at the fact that I am single. I let other people's opinions affect me negatively. I’ve had to tell myself that my life is not defined by a relationship (thanks, mum!). Being with someone just for the sake of being with someone won’t complete me. I’ll never be the person who will be in a relationship just to say “I’m in a relationship.” I wouldn’t be doing it for me or the other person, only for society. 

People will always ask others about their relationship status and people will always get asked about their relationship status. Now I confidently answer, “I am single.”